Separating yourself from "you"

I'm selfish. I always have been (ask my mom). It's kind of hard to separate what you have been used to doing all of your life from what your life eventually becomes when you get married. The "you" that you have always looked out for suddenly becomes two. It's been very difficult making this transition , but in the end I think that the change is worth it if you are with someone that's worth sharing yourself with. From the moment I met my wife in college, I always thought there was something special there. Life happens and things always seem to work out for the best. I believe that's why it took years and several life-changing events for us to finally jump the broom (eight years and a my first failed marriage to someone else to be exact).
Sometimes going through failure helps you become a better person if you are able to leave the negativity of failure behind and obtain the positive learning from your past mistakes. Often we hang on to negativity when we fail at something. I admit that failure can tie a lot of unwanted baggage to the already overloaded struggle of life. A big part of that is the fear of not wanting to fail again or leaving yourself open to be hurt in the same way. I must admit, I learned more of what not to do as a husband my first marriage than what to do to a person that is supposed to be more significant than yourself. I'm glad I had that experience because it helped me to be a better husband to the one I feel was meant for me in the long run, who is my current wife now. Now, I'm by no means perfect, but I do think that I've made better decisions than I had made the first time around. Sometimes the Divine can set you up for where you need to be if you are strong enough to make it through the struggle of failure and are not afraid of exposing yourself to the possibility of trying again.
I don't get why people are afraid of loving again after being hurt. THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT: TAKING A CHANCE!! Nothing in life is guaranteed, and life is too short to live alone. Luckily for me, the Divine gave me another shot at love with the one I should have married to begin with. Life is like that sometimes: you fail only to succeed at something greater than you could have ever imagined.

Sharing My Life with Two Loves

How do you share your life with two loves?? Well, before any of you think I'm posting about an adulterous relationship, think again. I'm speaking of the love of your life (i.e. your companion, love you Jamie!!) and what you love to do with your life (for me, it's music). It's hard to balance the two things that you have to sacrifice so much for. For the most part, the people that are the closest to you would be the ones that have to bear the most sacrifice and pain because of the thing you love to do with your life. They are the people who are often left behind when you spend time doing what you love to do. If you love something, as I do music, it takes time to nurture that skill and that's time you're not spending with your loved one. Playing with busted lips, going to seedy environments ("holes in the wall") loaded with unsavory characters, and staying out wayyyyy too late is a big part of doing the thing I love. There have been countless occasions that I have to bear either missing a gig or missing out on some quality time with my loved one. Unfortunately, the main difference is that I have to hear the fussing from my wife, and my horn doesn't make any noise that I can't control (ahhh, if only they could switch for a while!! :-)).
It's hard balancing the two. Some relationships have been torn apart because of the things that people love to do, whether it be a job, hobby, etc. Sometimes people have given up on their dreams of doing something that they love because of the risk of losing a loved one. I'm glad I'm with someone that tries to understand that I'm torn between two loves: her and music. Now, don't get me wrong; it has been a hell of a balancing act, and I have had to give in as much as she has (even though she would disagree). Sometimes I ignore one for the other and I pay the price for it. Music isn't always about the money if it is something that you really love to do; it can really be spiritual just as the time that you spend with your soulmate. Sometimes I feel empty when I haven't played my horn in a while. It is hard for someone outside of that realm to understand that. Luckily, my wife tries to be understanding even when she doesn't have to be; I love her for that.
I'm glad that I have never had to choose between the two. Music is the only other situation I think my wife will allow me to have my cake and eat it too. Thanks baby!!!